*Please ready the disclaimer at bottom of page before proceeding.

On Tuesday, September 30th 2008 I unexpectedly conducted a safety collision test on my brand-new 2008 Dodge Ram 1500. The test occurred in the evening during a terrible rain storm.

While driving in the middle lane of I-95 I noticed the unpredictably of the driver ahead, I cautiously checked my mirrors to see if there was a possible opportunity for me to bypass this reckless driver. I had an opening in the left lane and HOV lane adjacent to me. As I looked up to check my speed and to judge a safe route around this atrocious automobilist I noticed they where unmercifully breaking, I hastily attempted to “Dodge” my way into the empty lane neighboring my juxtaposition but lost traction due to the oil and water slick roads. As I slid across the two lanes to my immediate left I took note of the responsiveness of my ABS and the strength of the seatbelt harness keeping me behind the wheal. Moments before I “Rammed” the wall I briefly enjoyed the thought of how safe I felt inside my Dodge Ram, this was followed by an affectionately welcomed pillow of collision liberation that unexpectedly popped out of my steering wheal and passenger side dash. As my truck stylishly spun out of control I noticed the headlights of approaching automobilists; especially a particular set of headlights that struck me in the identical position of my prior collision. This sent my fearless Dodge Ram spinning in a reverse motion which conveniently placed my truck in the perfect location for a Kodak moment, as my truck gracefully came to a complete stop I sat back and enjoyed the chorus of a particularly awesome Metallica song. Thanks to the awe-inspiring safety collision system of my Dodge Ram, I was honored to emerge from the wreckage victorious.

I give the Dodge Ram an overall collision safety rating of “A-“.

The seat belt harness and airbags worked flawlessly, I give them an “A”

In retrospect the loss of traction and sliding as result of my actions where unavoidable and did not affect the outcome of my rating, but since it was quite exciting, I give an “A”

Because of the extent of the damage taken by my truck and the lack of ice cream afterwards was not to my expectation I give the truck a “B+”

In an effort to wrap this up I will leave you with a few photos detailing the extent of damage taken in the aftermath of this safety collision test.

!Disclaimer!
The following safety collision test was performed by a trained professional, I insist that no one attempt to recreate or re-enact the collision test described above. This collision was in-fact a real incident that could have turned out much worse. Luckily no one was hurt, and there was minimal collateral damage. I would like to take a moment to thank the fire rescue and emergency response teams who arrived immediately after accident and where prepared to assist at any cost. Once again this was not a planed debacle and the sole purpose of this page if for comedic relief.